Love In Due Season: Ch. 1

Beginnings

Lailah pressed her palms flat against the counter, waiting for the old coffeemaker to sputter itself awake. The kitchen was too small for two grown women, and every morning she felt it—the quiet weight of living in someone else’s house. Grateful, yes. But not free.

“Elijah,” she called, glancing toward the hallway. “Shoes on. Bus’ll be here in ten.”

Her son’s muffled voice drifted back, something about not being able to find his backpack. She sighed, shaking her head with a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. Thirteen years old and still losing the same bag.

She opened the fridge, pushing aside her sister’s neatly labeled leftovers until she found the carton of eggs she’d bought yesterday. Just enough for a quick scramble. Not much, but better than letting Elijah go to school on an empty stomach.

By the time he shuffled into the kitchen, hoodie half-zipped, she already had a plate on the table. He was taller than he’d been even a month ago, it seemed. Legs like stilts, hands too big for his wrists. Growing faster than she could keep up.

“Eat,” she said, sliding the plate toward him.

“Yes, ma’am.” He dug in, but not before glancing at her. “You eat?”

“I’ll grab something later,” she answered automatically. She always said it, whether or not it was true.

He didn’t push. Just shrugged and kept eating. That was the kind of boy he was—observant, quiet, carrying more than she wished he had to.

When he finished, she tugged the hood of his sweatshirt up and kissed the top of his head. “Go on. Bus is coming.”

As he headed out, she whispered the same prayer she had every morning since moving here: Lord, cover him. Keep him safe. Give him peace. The words felt thinner than they used to, worn down by years of repetition, but she said them anyway. Habit. Hope. Maybe both.

The bus rumbled to a stop outside, brakes squealing. Elijah waved once before climbing aboard. Lailah watched him disappear, coffee finally dripping into the pot behind her.

Her phone buzzed on the counter—Selena’s name lighting up the screen.

She exhaled through her nose, already bracing herself. Selena only called this early when she was about to talk Lailah into something.

“Girl, you awake?”

Selena’s voice shot through the phone before Lailah could even manage hello.

“I’ve been up since five,” Lailah muttered, cradling the mug of coffee she’d finally poured. “School job, remember? Kids don’t teach themselves.”

“Mm-hmm,” Selena drawled. “But that little check they hand you every other Friday? That’s not teaching you nothin’ either.”

Lailah rolled her eyes, sinking into the chair at the kitchen table. She knew that tone. Selena was winding up. “What do you want?”

“I signed you up,” Selena announced, triumphant.

Lailah sat up straighter. “Excuse me?”

“For a shift. Event server. It’s tonight.”

“Selena—”

“Don’t Selena me. My cousin’s friend CJ manages a company called JR Events. They do all the high-end weddings around here. He’s short staffed this weekend and asked if I knew anybody dependable. Black slacks, black shirt, hair pulled back. They tip well. Easy money, Lailah. Good money. And you don’t even have to cook it.”

Lailah pinched the bridge of her nose. “I have Elijah. I don’t get home until after five as it is—”

“Your sister’s there, isn’t she? He’ll be fine. One night won’t hurt.”

“It’s not about him being fine,” Lailah snapped, then softened. “I’m just… tired, Sel.”

Her friend’s tone gentled for half a beat. “I know. But listen—don’t you want more than tired? More than this?”

Lailah’s gaze flicked toward the hallway that led to her sister’s closed bedroom door. Every corner of this house whispered a reminder: you don’t belong here. It was temporary, she told herself daily. Just until she saved enough for her own place. Still, temporary felt permanent when you were living out of half a closet and an extra dresser.

Selena’s voice pulled her back. “This is just one night. Carry some trays, smile a little, go home with extra cash in your pocket. That’s grocery money, light bill money, savings-for-your-own-apartment money.”

Lailah sipped her coffee, silent.

Selena pressed her advantage. “And let’s be honest—you need something new. You’ve been hiding in survival mode so long, you forgot what else there is.”

“I’m not hiding.”

“You are,” Selena said simply, not unkind. “And I get it. You been through some things. But just because the past was hard doesn’t mean the future can’t be better.”

The words struck deeper than Lailah wanted to admit.

Finally, she exhaled. “What time?”

Selena whooped. “Yes! Knew you couldn’t tell me no forever. Six o’clock. I’ll pick you up at five-thirty. Don’t worry, I’ll make sure you don’t look like somebody’s tired mama.”

“I am somebody’s tired mama.”

“Not tonight. Tonight you’re a professional server. Head up, shoulders back. Trust me, Lailah—you’ll be fine.”

Lailah ended the call with a weary laugh, shaking her head. Selena could talk anybody into anything. But still, as she looked around the little kitchen—her sister’s notes stuck to the fridge, Elijah’s half-finished homework on the table—she wondered if Selena was right. Maybe she did need something new.

Even if it was just one night.

By the time Selena’s car pulled into the long, winding driveway, Lailah was already regretting every life choice that had led to this moment.

The venue rose like something out of a Southern magazine spread—white columns, sprawling porch, magnolia trees glowing under strings of golden lights. Guests in suits and gowns were already stepping out of cars at the circular drive, laughter and music spilling into the warm evening air.

“This ain’t no church basement potluck,” Lailah muttered under her breath.

Selena grinned, teeth flashing in the dashboard light. “Exactly. That’s why you need to be here. Money flows different in places like this.”

Lailah tugged at the hem of her borrowed black blouse, suddenly aware of every wrinkle. She smoothed a hand over her black slacks, wishing she had bought new shoes instead of wearing the same pair she used at the school job.

“You’ll be fine,” Selena said, reading her silence. “Just keep your chin up and remember—you belong anywhere you walk into.”

They parked in the staff lot and followed the line of servers through a side entrance. Inside, the hum of activity hit her all at once: trays clattering, voices calling orders, the clink of glassware.

CJ, the manager Selena had mentioned, stood near the service entrance, clipboard in hand, giving out trays and last minute directions. Lailah copied the younger servers, balancing the tray carefully. Her arms trembled at first, but muscle memory from years of carrying laundry baskets and grocery bags steadied her grip.

When the door swung open and she stepped into the reception hall, she nearly forgot to breathe.

The room sparkled with chandeliers and candlelit tables, roses spilling from centerpieces, polished wood floors reflecting every light. A string quartet played near the corner, their notes weaving through the laughter and clinking glasses. The air was thick with perfume, wine, and the mouthwatering scent of roasted meat drifting from the kitchen.

It felt like stepping into another world—one she had no business in.

Still, she moved among the crowd, offering glasses with a polite smile. A few guests met her eyes warmly, murmuring “thank you” as they took their flutes. That surprised her. Back home, people barely looked up.

By her third trip, the nerves had quieted enough that she could breathe again. Her hands steadied, her steps fell into rhythm. For a fleeting moment, she felt competent. Almost invisible, but competent.

And then, on her way back to the kitchen, the door swung open—and she saw him.

The kitchen was a different world entirely.

Heat radiated from the stoves, steam curling into the air, knives flashing under the fluorescent lights. The place ran like a machine—everybody moving in rhythm, weaving around each other without colliding.

And at the center of it all stood the man who clearly made it run.

He wasn’t barking orders like the clipboard guy at the door. His voice was even, steady, cutting through the chaos without raising above it. One glance from him sent a junior cook scurrying to adjust a plate; a nod from him brought another server rushing forward with fresh trays. It was control without noise, authority without arrogance.

Lailah paused, just long enough to take him in.

Tall, broad-shouldered, sleeves rolled up on a crisp white chef’s coat. His skin glistened with the heat of the ovens, but he moved unbothered, focused. His hands—strong, sure—adjusted garnish on a platter of seared salmon as though it were the most natural thing in the world.

Their eyes met for half a second when she stepped inside.

He didn’t leer. Didn’t smirk. Just a nod—acknowledgment, respect, as though she was another piece of this finely tuned orchestra.

Her throat tightened unexpectedly. She dropped her gaze, gripping the empty tray tighter as she slipped past him to the staging table.

Don’t read into it, she told herself. He’s just doing his job. Same as you.

Still, she couldn’t shake the quiet weight of that look.

“Back to the floor,” the clipboard man snapped, shoving another tray toward her.

She pivoted, careful this time, and slipped out again into the cool glow of the ballroom. But as she moved between the guests, her mind betrayed her, replaying that nod over and over. No words exchanged. Nothing but a flicker of attention in the middle of chaos.

And yet somehow, it had landed heavier than any pickup line she’d heard in years.

By the time the shift ended, her feet ached and her arms buzzed from carrying trays, but she’d survived. Maybe even done well. She caught sight of herself in a gilded mirror on the way out—flushed cheeks, hair escaping her bun, shoulders squared despite the fatigue.

Selena appeared at her side, grinning like a cat. “Well, look at you. Told you you’d be fine.”

“I’m exhausted,” Lailah muttered.

“Exhausted and noticed.” Selena waggled her brows. “Don’t think I didn’t see Chef Tall-Dark-and-Holy back there watching you.”

“He wasn’t watching me,” Lailah shot back quickly. Too quickly. “He looked right past me. I’m just another server.”

Selena’s grin widened. “Mm-hmm. Keep telling yourself that.”

Lailah rolled her eyes, but as they stepped out into the warm Southern night, she couldn’t deny it: for the first time in a long while, she’d felt something shift.

Small. Fleeting. But enough to make her consider another shift if CJ texts her.

My Kind of Therapy – Ch. 6

Chapter Six: Always Home Court Advantage

Michelle and Carlton

Michelle had stared at the team logo on the paperwork for most of the flight.
She tried to be casual about it, folding the packet into her bag, then pulling it out again, then tucking it under the in-flight magazine. But her eyes always found it. Bold lettering. Team colors. The insignia of a franchise she’d only ever seen on jerseys and TV broadcasts.

Now her name was typed beneath it — Lead Physical Therapist.

Her thumb traced the sharp outline of the logo until the paper edges wore soft. She leaned back against the seat, headphones resting but silent, heart knocking with a steady rhythm.

When Reese had first told her about the contract, she hadn’t believed him. Even as he showed her the signed documents, even as the clinic’s letterhead branded the deal, it had felt… hypothetical. Now, thirty thousand feet in the air with the paperwork heavy in her lap, it felt real in a way that squeezed her chest.

On the descent, she pressed her forehead against the cold window. Clouds gave way to lights glittering below, and her breath fogged the glass. She whispered under it, almost like she was making a pact with herself:

Don’t forget this moment. Don’t forget how it feels.

The airport, the shuttle, the hotel drop-off, it all blurred. What cut sharp was the credential.

It was heavier than she expected when security clipped it onto her lanyard. Heavier, too, when it thumped against her chest as she walked through the back corridors of the arena. Fluorescent lights buzzed overhead, staff rushed past with radios and clipboards, voices weaving into a low hum.

She caught her reflection once in a narrow glass door: hair braided back, team jacket zipped, badge catching light. For a second, she stopped walking. The image startled her. She didn’t look like an outsider anymore. She looked like she belonged.

The guide ahead waved her along, and Michelle quickened her pace.

The first sound of the court reached her before the sight did. Sneakers squeaking. A ball snapping against hardwood. Coaches barking instructions. The familiar rhythm hit her chest like a drum.

And then the tunnel opened.

She stepped forward, and her breath caught.

The court stretched wide and impossibly bright under the house lights. The empty arena loomed massive, thousands of seats climbing into shadow. The jumbotron glowed faintly, screens rotating through logos. The floor gleamed — polished, proud, almost sacred.

Her throat tightened. She hadn’t expected to feel small here, but she did. Not in a way that shrank her, but in a way that reminded her how big this dream really was.

Carlton noticed her first.

He was mid-drill, catching a pass at the wing, when movement in the tunnel pulled his eyes. Michelle.

Credential swinging, jacket zipped, eyes wide as they swept the arena.

His chest seized. For a half second, the ball in his hands didn’t exist.

He’d pictured this moment a hundred times since Reese called him about the contract, but reality still cracked something open inside him. She wasn’t visiting. She wasn’t sneaking into his world for stolen hours. She was here.

When her gaze finally landed on him, she smiled; small, almost private. He had to force himself not to cross the court and grab her.

A staffer ushered her down the sideline.

“Michelle, this way. Coach wants to meet you.”

The introductions were quick but warm. The head coach clasped her hand with a nod of respect. “We’ve heard a lot. Carlton swears by you. But even without him, your work speaks loud. Welcome to the team.”

The players crowded around, offering handshakes, shoulder bumps, half-jokes about finally getting someone who could fix their ankles right.

Carlton brushed her hand as she passed him. Barely a touch, but it sparked all the way up her arm. Her head tilted just slightly, eyes catching his. Later, that look said.

Malik, of course, couldn’t resist.

“Ayo, Carlton!” His voice cut through practice noise like a trumpet. “Don’t start getting soft on us now!”

The sideline cracked up. Carlton cut him a look sharp enough to kill. “Not now, Malik.”

Michelle flushed, eyes darting down, pretending to adjust her badge. Her pulse betrayed her.


Hours later, the arena emptied.

Michelle wandered onto the hardwood, sneakers quiet on the shine. The stands rose like a mountain around her, lights gleaming, space humming with silence. She turned slowly, letting herself soak it in. Tomorrow this place would be packed and she would be sitting on the sidelines. In person.

This was bigger than she had imagined. Heavier. But the bounce under her shoes felt the same as any gym she’d ever been in.

She drifted toward center court, lifted her face to the rafters, and let her chest loosen.

That’s when the echo came. A ball. One clean bounce.

She turned. Carlton, now alone at the arc, sent it spinning her way.

It rolled to a stop at her feet.

“Can you make it on the big stage?” His voice carried, low and teasing, but something lived underneath it.

Michelle bent, fingers curling around leather. Her palms remembered the grooves like muscle memory. Tears welled, uninvited but inevitatable. She dribbled once, rose into her midrange shot, and released.

Back of the iron. Bounced high. Net. Clean.

The ball bounced back. She caught it, tears welling unbidden, and laughed through them. “It’s the same feel,” she said softly, turning toward him. “Just a different location.”

But he wasn’t where he had been.

He was closer now. On one knee. A ring catching the arena light.

Her breath snagged. The ball slipped from her hands, echoing as it rolled away.

Carlton’s eyes never left hers.

“You’ve been my teammate since the day you walked into the clinic,” he said, voice steady, filling the cavernous space. “We’ve been running plays together without ever calling them. We’ve carried each other when the other was tired. There were games we’ve won that nobody else even saw.

“But I don’t want it to stay there. I don’t want to keep stealing time or living in separate worlds. I don’t want to try to fit you in. I want one life. Ours. Together.” He swallowed, then pushed the last words out clean. “Michelle… be my teammate for life.”

Tears blurred her vision. She covered her mouth, laughing and crying all at once, heart pounding so hard it hurt.

“Ay yo!” Malik’s laugh bounced off the rafters. “I knew you had something up your sleeve, man. Couldn’t even wait ‘til after the playoffs?”

Carlton stood quickly. Michelle groaned, hiding her face in Carlton’s chest. He shot a look over his shoulder, sharp enough to slice. “Malik, if you don’t—”

But Malik only grinned wider, holding his hands up. “Alright, alright! I’m gone. Y’all do your fairytale thing.” He jogged off, still chuckling, his voice fading down the hall. “Teammates for life… boy, you corny as ever.”

Michelle shook with laughter against Carlton, tears and giggles tangled together now. Carlton kissed the top of her head, muttering, “I’m trading him next season.”

She tipped her chin up, smiling through the blur. “No you’re not.”

He sighed, pretending to be irritated. “Fine. But will you marry me? We don’t have to invite him to the wedding.”

Laughter burst out of Michelle before she could tame it. She hushed herself with her hand covering her mouth. “Deal.”

He slid the ring onto her finger, and it fit like it had been waiting.

She pulled him into a kiss that swallowed everything. The months of waiting. The late-night calls, The aching hearts.

It was deep, unhurried, certain.

When they broke apart, Michelle pressed her forehead into his chest, laughter shaking through tears.

“I love you,” she whispered.

“I love you more,” he said, holding her like the promise was already complete.

The arena stayed quiet. Just two people, center court, choosing forever where the world came to play.

My Kind of Therapy – Ch. 3.2

Pick Up Game Pt. 2

Carlton

When she said yes, I had to school my face not to give away what was happening under my skin.

I’d asked half-expecting her to check her watch, mumble something polite, and let me off easy. Instead, she hesitated, then said, “Yeah, I could eat.”

It was nine o’clock on a Tuesday. Nothing about that answer was automatic.
And that’s how I knew.

The walk to the car felt longer than it was, every step too aware of her beside me. I’d spent months memorizing the way she moved in a professional space—shoulders squared, eyes sharp, words clipped with precision. Tonight she wasn’t that. Tonight she looked like she’d left the clinic behind and remembered she was allowed to just… be.

The diner wasn’t fancy—linoleum floors, neon sign humming in the window, waitresses who knew everyone by name whether they wanted to be known or not. But when she slid into the booth across from me, ponytail loose, cheeks flushed from the game, eyes still bright from laughter, it felt like the kind of place you remember years later just because this was where it started.

I asked if she wanted coffee. She smirked. “Not unless you want me wired till morning.”
So water for her, iced tea for me. Small things, but they felt like first steps in the right direction.

At first, we stayed light. Trash-talk carryover from the court, jokes about Malik’s constant need for attention, the art of hitting a bank shot and pretending you meant it. She laughed at one of my stories about rookie hazing, and the sound was easy—unforced. I realized how badly I wanted to hear it again.

But little by little, the conversation turned. She asked about travel, how much the schedule wears on you when the world only sees the highlight reel.

“It’s a grind,” I admitted. “They see forty-eight minutes. They don’t see the ice baths at two a.m. or the days when your body’s cashing checks your head didn’t even write.”

Her eyes softened in a way that made me feel seen. “So why do it?”

I thought for a second. “Because even with all that—there’s nothing else like it. Court feels like the one place where I know exactly who I am. But… I do think about what’s next sometimes.”

That surprised her. “Most guys won’t admit that out loud.”

“Most guys don’t have someone worth being honest with,” I said before I could edit it down.

Her lips parted like she wanted to say something, then closed again. She traced the rim of her glass. “Sometimes I wonder that too. If this—helping people with movement, recovery, rehab—is my forever, or just the season I’m in. I love it, but… I don’t know. I don’t want my whole identity to be my job, you know?”

I nodded slow. “Makes sense. You’re more than the clipboard.”

The way she looked at me told me that sentence hit closer to her core than I expected.

We shifted again, this time into lighter waters. She leaned in, smirk tugging at her mouth. “You must be used to it though. All the attention. Athletes don’t usually sit in diners at 10 p.m. on a Tuesday—they’ve got women lining up.”

I laughed. “You give me too much credit.”

“Do I?” she teased.

“Yeah,” I said, pointing my straw at her. “Meanwhile, I’m guessing you’ve broken a few hearts without even knowing it.”

Her eyebrows shot up. “Excuse me?”

I shrugged. “Don’t act like you don’t know. Some guy probably thought you were smiling at him when you were just being polite, and he went home writing your wedding vows in his head.”

She shook her head, laughing, but her cheeks warmed. “That’s ridiculous.”

“It’s the truth,” I said, and for a second the joke wasn’t a joke anymore.

We let the silence hold between us—not awkward, just charged. Then she broke it with a story about her sister stealing her car in high school and crashing it into a mailbox, and the spell loosened into laughter again.

Time started bending after that. We moved from surface to depth without ceremony. Family, past seasons, moments that shape you in ways strangers don’t see. The food barely mattered. Fries turned cold, ice melted in glasses, but neither of us cared. Hours slipped past without either of us checking the time. By the time we realized, the staff was half-wiping tables like they wanted to close but weren’t going to tell us to leave.

Walking her out, I slowed down without meaning to. The air was cool, sharp enough to remind you the night was ending but soft enough you didn’t want it to. She thanked me like it was just a meal, but we both knew it wasn’t just that. Not for me.

At her car, I almost rushed it. Almost blurted out let me take you out officially just to stop holding it in. But something in me knew better. Timing mattered. She deserved more than a rushed ask under a buzzing streetlight.

So I steadied my voice.
“I’m out of town for a stretch starting tomorrow,” I told her. Preseason—starters wouldn’t play, but the travel was mandatory. “But when I get back…” I held her eyes so she knew this wasn’t casual. “…let’s do this again. Properly.”

For a second, she didn’t answer. She swayed a little where she stood, her hand brushing the strap of her bag. The light caught her face just enough for me to see the blush rising, the way she bit her bottom lip like she was working something out in real time.

And then she smiled—small, certain.
“I look forward to it.”

I felt that answer settle deeper than anything I’d felt in months.

I got in my car that night knowing two things for sure:
Basketball was coming back to me.
And so was she.

No pump faking this time.

My Kind of Therapy – Ch. 1.2

Chapter One: The Switch Pt. 2

Carlton

Reese and I went back to college ball — same team, same grind, different positions. He was one of the best point guards I’d ever played with, but more than that, he was the kind of guy who stuck with you long after the season ended.

Over the years, we’d talked about everything: injuries, business moves, life off the court. Relationships too. Reese had a way of listening without judging, which made him easy to be real with.

So when I told him I needed a different therapist, I knew he’d hear me out.

“Everything okay?” he asked, leaning back in his chair. “Michelle’s solid. She’s got a great reputation already, and my clients love her.”

“I know.”

“You mad at her?”

“No.”

“You trying to get under my skin?”

I laughed. “No.”

“It’s me,” I said, running a hand over my face. “She’s great. Amazing even. And I like her — more than I should if I’m trying to keep this professional.”

Reese gave a low chuckle. “You’ve been on her schedule for six months, man. You just noticing?”

I smirked. “Nah. I knew early on. But I’ve been careful. Thing is…I don’t want to be careful anymore. You know she yelled at me last week?”

Reese reached for the fax that just came through, shaking his head. “You probably deserved it.”

“It was a tough week. My contract is up for negotiation. I actually told her what was going on.”

“And…” Reese prodded.

“She sat there and listened. Then she prayed for me.”

That made him pause. His pen tapped against the desk, and he gave me a look that cut deeper than words. “She did what?”

“Prayed for me,” I repeated, leaning back. “Not some quick little ‘hope it works out’ either. She meant it. Like she wanted to cover me. I’ve never had a woman do that for me, Reese. Not once.”

He let out a low whistle, shaking his head. “That explains it.”

“Yeah,” I said, my voice quieter. “And if I’m being real…I think she likes me too. Not just as her client. I see it in the way she looks at me sometimes. The way she remembers the little things I say. She doesn’t push past it, but it’s there. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t notice.”

Reese leaned back, studying me with that long pause that only a friend of years can hold. “CJ, that’s not something you just brush off.”

“Exactly. And that’s why I can’t sit in there, week after week, pretending I don’t feel what I feel. She’s not just helping get me back on the court. She’s reaching places I don’t usually let people touch and I don’t even know how that happened. I can’t cross that line while she’s working on me. She doesn’t deserve that mess, and you don’t either.”

He nodded slowly, reading between the lines. “Alright. I’ll make the switch. But you know she’s gonna notice.”

“That’s the idea,” I said, leaning back with a quiet smile.

My son called me out!

All I could do was smile and shake my head. It was something I saw coming for a while, I just didn’t expect TODAY to be the day.

Like…literally. This just happened two hours ago. [Note: It is now a week ago since I forgot to post this]

The reason why I am writing about it two hours later is because I thought I was just a personal tap on the hand and I could write it in my journal. But the more I wrote it down, the more God revealed that this is something someone else needs to hear.

So here we go…

I’m a single parent. Have been for a while. Now I had to say that, not to loathe about the fact that I have been single now for nine years, eight months, three weeks, six days and counting. No. That’s not it at all (blank stare), but it’s so you can have a little background 🙂

His dad had just arrived to pick him up for a few hours and I had just opened the door. As I was instructing my son on some last minute chores, he spoke very casually.

“Hey Mom, I’ve noticed something about you. Whenever my dad comes to get me, or you see him or something, you get really serious. Like you stop smiling.”

Well…in the moment I stopped smiling. I felt caught.

My child, who can walk by all his toys on the floor and professionally ignore the dishes in the sink, noticed something I wasn’t fully aware that I do?? Ok.

Since his dad was at the door, I told him we’d pick the conversation back up at a different time. He left and I thought that was the end of it. But it wasn’t. It started to bother me.

Now I had questions and I knew I had to dig for answers. So here’s what I got:

First of all, and most important, I don’t want my ex.

It’s more about me missing my kid. Yes, I am that mom so get over it. As much as I know I need a break sometimes, I do miss my Beloved when he’s away. Deep down, there’s a comparison thing happening but there is not comparison between a mother and father. They are both necessary and unique.

Second thing: It’s a reminder for me to forgive.

It tears a piece of my heart when I hear my son express how he misses his dad because I know this is not the way God intended things to be. Whether it’s because of a divorce or in my case, two unmarried people having a child, it was never God’s intention for children to be raised by a single parent or in a split household.
Sometimes guilt tries to creep in. Other days tears are my only expression. Either way, I have to trust God like never before. I have to choose grace and love when accusations and disagreements try to surface. As a believer, it is my responsibility to walk as God is directing me regardless of where the other parent is in his walk to God. As much as I can get upset about certain things, there was a time when I wasn’t following God or care to follow Him. It’s not my place to sit as judge but to stand as an equal receiver of grace and love.

Lastly, it let’s me see fatherhood up close.

Unfortunately, we live in a society where a lot of adults don’t have a good picture of fatherhood because of a distant or absent parent. Mines was the latter. I had men in my life since I was a little girl, but none who poured into me as a father would. I walked around with hurts that weren’t dealt with because I blamed my absent dad and the men in my life for not giving me what I thought I needed. Truth is, they were dealing with their own voids and, in the case of my dad, he wasn’t absent by choice but manipulation and force.

I get to see what a ‘dad’ does with a kid. Of course all dads are different and express in their unique ways but seeing it up close is a different experience for me.

It reminds me of my mother standing in the delivery room with me when I was giving birth to my Beloved. She stood at the end of the table, where my left were spread wide, and watched my son come down the birthing canal. She didn’t flinch. She was in complete awe. It was something she hadn’t experienced in her two pregnancies because she had c-sections.

As irritated as I was (mainly because I was in pain and on drugs), I let her have her moment.

Most people go through life not even considering where someone else is coming from. They don’t give it a second thought. It’s not a matter of selfishness as much as it is a matter of ignorance.

People just don’t know. Especially now-a-days with a whole pandemic happening and different mandates keeping people away from one another.

There are so many conversations that need to be had. If we take the time to be open hearted and give a listening ear, so much healing can take place in our families and communities. Forgiveness is key, though.

Be kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you

Ephesians 4:32

This was a more personal blog today, but I pray that healing takes place in your heart. If you know someone who is in need of this, please share. I really enjoy reading the testimonies and words of encouragement.

Love you,

Crystal

Smile For Me

Hey king
Can you smile for me?
Please?
I know these past few months have been crazy
This last week along has been a roller coaster ride
There is a fight ahead of us
It’s unavoidable
Lives are forever changed
I just need your smile to stay the same
I hear your heart crying out
I see the anguish in your stare
The frustration in your silence is loud and clear
But baby, please, I’m still here
I need you to be ok
I need to feel your embrace
Even if it’s a little tighter this time
I’ll do my best to hold you up
You may not see a reason, but you’re breathing
So rest now
Regain your strength
When it’s time to fight I’ll be there with you
If only for a second
Just smile for me

Motherly

I have a little boy
He’s intelligent and so full of light
I’d like to teach him to enjoy his life
Without my message being tinged with warning
I don’t know the right time to tell him
Another man with his complexion doesn’t get to see another morning
We live im a worldly system where one can obey and refuse to run
But the brown color of their skin will have them staring down the barrel of a gun
Where kneeling is only acceptable when it’s on the neck of another

This broken system has to change.

I can’t help that my thoughts are interrupted by yet another mam of color losing his life for no reason. The viciousness of the act is unnerving. I can’t watch the video. Knowing is enough.

Things have to change.
People. Have. To. Change.

Each one, one at a time.

George Floyd, rest with the Father.

The Unexpected: A Quarantine Love Story Pt. 4

maskpicDay 28

Why fight something you really want?

A question that was being played over a thousand times in Michelle’s mind.

Carl Bell, or ‘Daddy Bear’ as she affectionately called him, was known for his optimistic outlook and ill-timed sense of humor, but he really had a knack for uncovering things Michelle intended to bury simply by asking unrelated questions…at the right time.

Michelle was in the middle of complaining about having too much time on her hands. Working two and three jobs to make ends meet was her norm, but so was barely getting by.  For the last few years she would plan to take time off work to officially research and launch her consulting business, but something always came up.  Needless to say, it was just a pretty basic pass-the-time-catching-up-with-your-parent type of conversation.

But Michelle couldn’t get Demetrius off the brain.

“Why fight something you really want?”

“I don’t know, Daddy, Meech just came out of nowhere,” she muttered.
“Wait.  I”m sorry, who?” he asked, after a five second pause.

Michelle turned up her face, puzzled by his question. “What do you mean who?” She popped up from the couch and squinted her eyes, crossing out their exchanges on an imaginary white board. Nothing came to mind. AT ALL! She mulled over it so much in that twenty second span that she forgot what they were talking about altogether!

The hairs on her arms stood up immediately as her short term memory kicked in and she realized she may have invited questions she didn’t really want to answer.

Maybe he didn’t hear that.

By now Carl’s quiet, almost inaudible, snicker had turned into a full on cackle. Judging by the time it took for him to inhale, Michelle knew her father was at the beginning stages of his cheeks turning beet red. Her dad always called himself a ‘Seeker of Truth’, but he could never hide his genuine elation when that truth came by accident. Imagine growing up in a house with a man who had a full on belly laugh EV-ER-Y time he discovered a lie. It was a very confusing as a kid. Do you laugh with him or do you run away from him?

Right now Michelle wanted to run away.

“You have someONE on your mind, baby?” he teased. “We were talking about work but you’re talking about a man. Who is Meech?”

Her heart dropped into her belly.  I even said his name?! she screamed in her head.  The last thing she wanted to do was give this old hound dog a scent to follow.  “Nobody,” she rushed out, knowing her effort was about to be in vain.

“Michelle Rae Bell, I know when you’re hiding something. Spill it or I’ll have to get your mother in on this.”

That was a threat that was not to be taken lightly.

Mae Bell is a woman who can find Waldo after three seconds of searching. A woman whose favorite past time was watching old episodes of Columbo and Matlock. She could’ve had a successful career as a detective or prosecutor if she didn’t choose to stay at home to raise her children. She was blessed (or cursed) with a gift of sniffing out a lie before the door was closed and would announce her findings to the entire neighborhood.

Michelle loved her mother, but Mae didn’t play about hidden things. Phantom pains began to shoot down Michelle’s leg as she thought about all the whoopins she received as a kid.

“Dad, pleeeeeeease just keep this between us right now!” she begged.

“Spill it,” he demanded playfully.

Michelle kicked her legs like an only child being told to share her toys. She didn’t want to tell anybody ANYTHING until she KNEW it was something to tell but if she didn’t give him any information she could expect an intense cross examination from the Mama Bear.  Daddy Bear was trustworthy.

She fessed up to how she met Demetrius and the way things developed from there. The more she talked, the more she couldn’t shut up about it.  Maybe she was holding it all in too long.

Michelle told about how they graduated from catching up just at night to talking and video calling throughout the day.  How, after discovering her favorite authors, he would leave notes filled with quotes hidden around her garden for her to find. She admitted to not wanting to like him but not being able to resist his subtle charm, or how his good morning texts made her light up.

Against her will.  Sometimes.

Things got really hectic for him at the police station and she called herself ‘giving him space’ while he sorted through it but hesitantly admitted to him that she missed talking to him for those few days.
Whenever  she felt overwhelmed with everything going on, whenever she would get frustrated with writing out a business plan, she could hear his laugh before he’d tell her to ‘Stop being a baby and do it.’ It annoyed her to listen to him say that almost as much as it annoyed her that his mere breathing on the phone brought her comfort.

“Daddy, right before I met him, I started dreaming again.” she admitted, “I don’t know what all this means,”

“Sounds like you’re in love, Chelle.” he admitted.  “What better thing to do in a world wide pandemic than to fall in love?”

“I really can’t take your jokes right now,” she rolled her eyes.

“What?!  All people have is time now.  Anyone can spend all the money they want on expensive dates and still never really get to know that person.  This man spent all of three dollars on some cards to get your attention and followed it up with a whole bunch of quality time. I wish I would’ve thought of that!”  Michelle couldn’t contain her burst of laughter at his pseudo anger.  “Shoot, I would’ve saved a whole lot of money trying to convince your mother I was a good for her.”

A few moments passed in silence. Michelle feigned a smile as Marcel’s bubbly self strolled by, on another adventure with his dinosaurs in tow. He paused just long enough to wink and tap an imaginary watch on his wrist before walking away.

Maybe the quarantine was getting to him.

While her dad became distracted with yelling for their dogs to stop fighting, Michelle curiously got up to check the time.  She clicked her tongue and shook her head when she understood what Mr. Smarty Pants was getting at.

A few weeks ago, Michelle was video chatting Demetrius while cooking dinner.  He sat at his dining room table as if she was really about to serve him a plate.  Marcel happened to walk by and show Demetrius a dinosaur that he knew and could talk about.  It had become a thing ever since.  Faithfully at 6:30 pm, ‘Mr. Meech’ would call and greet Michelle briefly before he and Marcel continued their conversation from the day before.  Marcel would light up like it was Christmas day.

Though she knew deep down there might be some truth to what her father was saying, she fought it still when it came to Marcel.  She didn’t know what she would do if ‘whatever this was’ didn’t workout.

“Baby listen,” Carl primed her. “He may not have come the way you imagined, he may not even look or talk the way you want him to, but it sure sounds like you two are more involved than you’re willing to admit to yourself. ”

“Daddy Bear…” she sighed.

It was all becoming too much to think about right now.  The whole world was a mess!  People were being hospitalized by the thousands, hundreds losing their lives to this stupid virus from hell, and she’s at home falling in love with a man she met randomly the morning of a blizzard?

How did she deserve that?

As if he could hear her internal conflict, Carl spoke up.  “Michelle, I need you to take some time to really figure out what’s on your heart.  He sounds like a good guy and you’re more than deserving of someone spending time currency on you.  Bring Marcel over for a few weeks so you can at least get a little break and finish your work.  I need the exercise anyway,” he laughed.  “But when the time comes, give him a chance.”

Plans were finalized before Michelle and Carl said their goodbyes.  Like clockwork, Demetrius called and Michelle laughed at the sight of his ‘action figures’ lined up in front of him on the table.

“Hey beautiful,” he beamed.  “You been alright?”

Michelle turned her face to smile, as if he couldn’t already see her blushing.  “Hey.”

“Before I talk business with Lil Man, I need to ask you something.”  Michelle’s eyes grew wide as she leaned on the kitchen counter, trying to anticipate his request.  “I just got approved for my furlough today.”

“That’s great! That means you can finish up your course with no distractions, right?”

“Kind of,” he hesitated.  “I mean, I get six weeks off but…I was wondering if I can spend some of that time with you.  Face to face.”  Michelle’s face went blank before she could fix it but she tried recovering with a nervous laugh.  “We’ll be six feet apart,” he assured her.

Demetrius flashed that signature smile of his and she grinned, shaking her head.  Michelle didn’t feel the jolt down her spine.  It was something different: butterflies in her belly.  Marcel rushed over and made sure his face was seen in the camera.  “I’ll call you later,” she promised.

As she relinquished her phone to her eager little boy, she couldn’t help but mumble…

Social distancing is stupid.

Waves

waves1

A snippet of a longer piece

To my husband…

I want to learn to swim in your thoughts.
To ride the current of your emotions
Even if it’s against the waves,
I want to learn to dive under the swells.
Reaching the faults that shift and cause the ripples
Floating on the crests of good times
Coasting through the troughs
I know sometimes it feels like tsunamis carry us to nowhere
But they can also push us to the edge of…soaring
I want to be your moon
A half one
Never full of myself
Guided by the light of the Son
So I can move you better

 

The Unexpected: A Quarantine Love Story Part 3

 

Day One- March 15, 2020

maskpic

You aren’t from around here are you? he recalled.

It took Michelle about a week to reach out, but she finally did to his surprise. There was no ‘Hello’ or ‘Can I speak to…” Right out the gate she came with the heat.

A straight shooter. She got to the point.

He liked that.

After he silenced his laughter, he did admit that he was raised in Maryland and traveled around in the military before settling in Detroit.  “Do I have an accent or something?”

“No,” she said dryly, “You just seem different.”

It felt like a chore getting her to open up about herself though she had a barrage of questions for him, which he answered, all honestly.  That seemed to put her mind somewhat at ease since they were still chatting.  Demetrius understood her reservations.  It’s not common to randomly meet someone on a snowy morning and strike up a conversation like they did. Or even having said stranger come back months later to shovel your snow.  Not in Detroit.  Not being a mom either.

Of all the people outside that morning, his attention was drawn to her.  He usually drove around her area toward the end of his shift to clear his mind, but it was hard to ignore a person bundled up like a bear, tripping through piles of snow in the wee hours of the morning.

The winter had been a mild one but he was really looking for an excuse to see her again.  He couldn’t really justify a reason either.  I was just something he felt like he had to do.  Seeing her the second time peeked his interest.  She had this quiet strength about her with a soft voice that beckoned him to listen.

Fine as all get out, too!

Her big brown eyes were the first thing he noticed…because her face was all covered up. But seeing her without her extra fifteen pounds of snow gear on gave him a much better picture of who she was.  When she smiled his mind went blank though.

This virus was really screwing up my flow, he thought

He had a few spots come to mind when she said she liked Italian food.  Giovanni’s was his favorite, mainly because they always gave him free food when he was in the area.  Perks of being a good cop.

For the past few weeks, he and Michelle would talk right after the start of his shift.  She said she didn’t mind the late night chatter while her son was sleeping.  Her forwardness was attractive.  Her humor was subtle and sarcastic at times, especially after she admitted to using him for ‘the stability of her own sanity’.

Listen, raising a boy who just wants to talk about bugs and dinosaurs and jump off of furniture is not good for my brain!

Demetrius remembered bothering his mom and dad at that age; firing off the thousand and one questions and ideas that flooded his mind. One time he put on his red cape, borrowed his mother’s glasses, put on his dad’s dress socks because they came up to his knees, and stood at the top of the basement stairs announcing his super powers.

At that age calculating important things, like the low ceiling that his dad often ducked under whenever he retrieved laundry, were often missed.  All he remembered was that feeling of flying right before a sudden jolt of pain shot through his forehead before everything went dark. By the time he came to, his mother was frantically yelling over him and his dad was just shaking his head, laughing.

The scar above his right eye serves as a constant reminder that it can be worth it to take risks, but make sure you count the costs involved.

Demetrius understood Michelle’s feelings. Boys are adventure seekers!

Whatever excuse she had, he didn’t mind at all.  The conversations were welcome. Usually on the quiet nights, he would listen to real estate podcasts or park his car to catch up on jotting down ideas. Eight years in the navy and nine as police officer started to feel like it was time to call it quits. There was nothing better than clocking in and going out to ‘save the world’ but after being shot twice and shootouts seemingly every other month, the job started to take it’s toll.

Detroit was changing and now it was time to take a different approach to being a hero. One that wouldn’t cause bodily harm.

His mother was no help, either. She was already overprotective since his dad was gone and his job didn’t help her sleep any better. Now every time he goes to visit she makes sure to call down Heaven before he leaves her house…and pray for grandchildren. As annoyed as he usually became by her requests for children he was in no position to have right now, her prayers were always a comfort to him.

All of it was too much to think about.  He just wanted to lay on a beach somewhere and go to sleep.

Lots of adjustments were being made and policies being changed overnight to accommodate the fact that people were asked to stay home. The air in the precinct grew thicker whenever there was a briefing with the police chief.

What’s next?!  It’s already known that any call the precinct gets could potentially go south, but now the added worry of people in his own department catching a killer virus? Every single shift? That type of uneasiness was something that was palpable. Even the most seasoned vets struggled to swallow their fear.

The seven year old Demetrius was still in there: selfless, determined, protective.  But grown Demetrius was well aware his limitations. That’s where Michelle started to creep in.  Their texts, or quick chats, was something he started to look forward to; keeping him grounded when his mind wanted to run wild.

They didn’t talk tonight though.  He wasn’t too bothered by it either.
It was a pretty hectic day for a lot of people.  Schools were closed.  Businesses shut down.  Sports cancelled.  You know it’s pretty serious when they cancel an WHOLE NBA season!

Lots of people were rushing in and out of every store imaginable to stock up on necessities. He was grateful for her suggestion to run out and grab toilet tissue a week ago because stores were all out of it today. The whole situation was starting to stress him out. His mother’s constant calls had him thinking of moving in with her just so she wouldn’t be alone.  Times like this made him wish his father was around, or have someone to hold close.

Demetrius scratched his chin and sighed, hoping he could shake off some of the pressure he was beginning to feel, but it didn’t help.
“I just need time to think,” he mumbled to the air in his car.

As he laid his head back to rest his eyes, he felt the vibration of his phone on his belt. It was Michelle. Demetrius halted the smile that crept over his lips as he sat straight up in his seat. Their talks usually stopped around midnight so he didn’t know what it meant for her to be calling him at four in the morning. “Hey, you good?” he answered.

There was rustling on her end for about five seconds.  It felt like an eternity before she responded. “Yeah, I’m fine. Sorry for calling so late. Are you at work?”
“Yeah,” he said, more relieved that she was ok more than anything.  Easing back into his seat, a lazy grin found his lips.  So this is what she sounds like when she wakes up?    There was a smokiness to her voice that reminded him of Ella Fitzgerald.  His grandmother would always play her songs while she rocked him in her arms.  Ignoring the invitation to allow his thoughts to trail off, he quickly asked, “Why are you up?”

“Because of you,” she said clearing her throat. He could tell that she was still trying to shake the sleep off her voice.  She inhaled, “I really don’t know why, but I just have a strong urge to pray for you.”

Before Demetrius could respond, Michelle started. Naturally, out of respect, he closed his eyes but she prayed with a fervor and an authority that he just stared at the phone in amazement.  The more she went on the more free he felt a fondness for her. Other than his mother and grandmothers, no woman had petitioned so strongly for him.

She prayed a Cool-aid smile on his face.
“I really appreciate that,” he sighed. “It’s been really crazy lately and that couldn’t have come at a more perfect time.  Thank you.”
“You’re welcome,” she yawned. “Please be safe, though.”

“Is that you showing that you care?” he teased.
“Good night Demetrius,” she laughed softly.

Demetrius sat up in his seat, feeling lighter, ready to finish his shift strong.

Love is like flying, huh?