The Unexpected: A Quarantine Love Story Pt. 2

Hope Against Hope

maskpicMarcel just had to say it. 

“Mommy, maybe it won’t snow for our birthdays this year!”

It was just like her child to be optimistic.  Michelle forced a smile and kissed her prince on his forehead before he ran to the silent beckoning of his toys.

The sun beams were flowing in through her sheer grommet curtains.  She stood still for a quick sun bath on her bronze skin.  She imagined a warm breeze sweeping across her face, leading her to an oceans edge.

A sigh escaped her. A snow free February would be a very welcomed gift for Michelle; she wouldn’t have to cancel any birthday plans.

But that was a gift they’d have to wait on.  The weatherman just informed of a storm to hit her area that would dump out 8-10 inches of snow on Friday.  Tomorrow.  The beginning of their birthday wee…well…Marcel’s birthday weekend.  Her birthday was four days later.  The school district had already closed schools in anticipation of the big drop.

Michelle couldn’t help but laugh to herself.  The image of a young Jaden Smith from The Karate Kid popped into her head as she watched as a lone snow flake fell into the window pane.

I hate it here, she thought

The next morning, Michelle woke up to the sounds of snow blowers and shovels scraping their way across the pavement. She checked her phone; it was 7 am. She slept in since she didn’t have to take Marcel to school, but she still wanted to clear the snow.  Since most of it had come overnight, it would be easier just to walk over the remaining inch or two.

“You want to help me shovel the snow?” she asked, kissing Marcel on his forehead.
“No, I’m going to sit this one out,” he beamed.
“Good choice.”

As she began to suit up at the front door, she heard noises from her porch, which sounded a little too close.

Peeking through the view hole, she saw a man at her doorstep, shoveling. He had already done the sidewalk and walk way leading to her door.  “Hey!” she quickly opened the door. “I got that, sir. I don’t have cash on me to pay for this.”

“No problem,” he said, taking off his hood. “I wasn’t asking for money anyway.”

“Wait,” she pressed her forehead to the glass, getting a closer look.  She recognized his eyes right away..  He wasn’t as bundled up as the last time she saw him so she was able to get a better look at him.  He had the smoothest brown skin she had seen in a while.  “You’re the security guy.”

“Yeah, lieutenant actually.” He flashed that smile again, “You said ‘Next time'”.

“What?”

“Last time it snowed.  Remember?”

“Huh?” she said, giving herself enough time to refocus.  Just like the last time, his smile was distracting.  It was something about nice teeth inside of the smile of a beautiful black man.  “Wait, what? You remember that?” she glared, suddenly questioning his very presence on her porch.  Sure he was good looking, but she found it odd that someone would show up almost three months later to help a perfect stranger shovel snow.

He chuckled to himself, as if reading her thoughts.  “I”m not crazy.”

“That’s what crazy people say.”

He let out a laugh that startled her at first.  Michelle clutched invisible pearls as he recovered and smiled again.  “Ma’am, I promise I’m not crazy.  I just have a habit of remembering the things that I agree to do.  My mom always taught me to be a man of my word.  I agreed, so I’m here.”

“Oh.”

That’s it. That’s all she allowed herself to say.  Years of being single left her with only a handful of words to say a man, especially one who was trying to be helpful because, well, it didn’t happen often.  It never stopped her from praying for help though!  ‘Oh’ was all she had right now.  This attractive stranger was proof that God has odd ways of answering.

“I’m Officer Thomas.  Demetrius. Pleasure to meet you.”

“Chelle,” she corrected herself, “I’m Michelle” He nodded and smiled again. She wished he would stop doing that. It’s not often that Michelle was at a loss for words.  As a counselor, she always had solutions, or even words of encouragement, ready to go for anyone she encountered, but right now she couldn’t figure out why she was so tongue tied.  She gave a weak smile and shifted in her stance before stuttering out, “Thank you! This is an unexpected birthday gift.”

His face lit up with excitement. “It’s your birthday?”

Michelle scrunched up her face realizing that her thoughts were spoken.  She wanted to shut the door right then.  This kindness, this conversation, as innocent as it seemed, was making her uncomfortable.  After a deep inhale, she resolved that honesty was just her best bet but she’d make it a point to watch what she says the next time.

Wait…next time??

“No, my birthday is on the 16th, but my son’s is tomorrow.”  Demetrius rested his hands on the top of his shovel, perking up at the potential of a conversation. His smile was disarming so she added, “But by the looks of it, I’ll have to push his party to another day.”

“Aww, that sucks,” he sympathized. “What are you going to do for your birthday?”

Michelle shrugged. “I haven’t done anything for the last six years.  This one will be no different.”  She made the mistake of letting go of a soft chuckled and when she looked up she found herself staring into his light brown eyes, captivated by his intense gaze.  As if he was studying her face. Marcel’s rustling in the living room gave her a reason to look away.

Mr. Mike, the mailman, was the only man who come on her porch.  Of course the occasional delivery driver, too.  That’s what living alone and away from family gets you.  But this?  This was new.

“I really appreciate you doing this, Officer Thomas.”

“Oh yeah,” he cleared his throat. He looked caught off guard, “My pleasure, and please, call me Meech.”

Michelle pretended to search her pockets, “I’ll have to figure out how I can repay you.”

“We’ll figure that out,” he laughed, “But go ahead and hang out with your little man. Take care.”  He turned to get back to work and Michelle quickly closed her door, not wanting to stand there watching him. She couldn’t quite put her finger on it, but it was something about him, something magnetic.

Hours later, after Mario Kart, The Incredibles, lunch, a big snowman in the backyard, dinner, and The Incredibles 2, Michelle went to take out the trash.  While some of her neighbors worked to shovel the heavy, wet snow she stood grateful for the work Officer Thomas had done for her.  She turned to find a small lime green gift bag hanging on her door knob. Inside were two cards. One addressed Michelle and the other Little Man.
She opened hers first:

After calculating the total work done on your property today, your smile was more than enough payment. Go do something for YOU. Happy Birthday Gorgeous! P.S. I don’t know if you like flowers so to be safe, I drew you some first. –Meech

Michelle erupted in laughter, quickly covering her mouth.  There was a pitiful bouquet of  three roses that he had drawn in blue ink. She could tell that he was nowhere near an artist but the gesture had plastered a smile on her face.

As she opened Marcel’s card, there was a note written on the inside fold of the envelop.

Because I sense you’re a great mom, I know you’d find this first 🙂 252-337-2274

The audacity!  The thoughtfulness! How dare he make a move and force a decision on her part!  SHE DIDN’T EVEN KNOW HIM!!!  But she knew that he felt different.  It was something she couldn’t explain.  As she dabbed away the evidence of her outburst from the corner of her eyes, all she could do was thank God for the gift.

She was never a girl who liked real flowers.

Silent Exchange

Pretend for a second
That words meant nothing to either of us…

Let my touch say that I’m here
My stare says you’ve got my attention
A peck on the neck says I adore you
A kiss on the lips does not need mention

In the quiet of the night
When the bodies start to mingle
Would you bite your lips and smile
When your toes begin to tingle?

Will you maintain your resolve,
Enduring this silent exchange
First one to scream would be the loser
So we’d have to begin again.

The Unexpected: A Quarantine Love Story

maskpic

It was December in Detroit.

Sometimes that meant a rare nice ‘Spring’ day and other times it meant a snow storm that dumped almost a foot of the cold white stuff on the ground.

This morning was the latter.

Michelle groaned as she rolled over to turn off the alarm on her phone. She had checked the weather the night before and set her clock to go off an hour earlier, to give her time to shovel.

It was still well too early for her.

Sitting up in her bed, she let her legs hang over the side. Closing her eyes, she took in a deep breath and simply said, “Thank You.”

She made her bed before walking the chilled hallways to the bathroom. It was not as warm as her cozy bed!
Marcel was still sawing logs in his sleep. She mustered a sleepy smile at the thought of her imaginative and energetic six year old actually getting some rest.

The cold was never something she could get used to, even though she had lived in Michigan her whole life. Every year of her adulthood, without fail, she’d purposely take one day to complain about the snow.

Prepared with two pairs of pants, two pairs of thermo socks, three shirts and a hoodie, Michelle zipped up her jacket and grabbed her shovel.

“Lord, I thank you that I can shovel snow” she prayed before being slapped in the face with twenty degree weather.

This was not her favorite form of exercise at five thirty in the morning.

When she was halfway finished with the side walk, she heard a car door close but didn’t pay much attention to it. She figured it was her neighbor warming up their car.

“Care for some help?” she heard a deep voice say.

She felt a jolt of fear run up her spine as she spun around to see who was talking. It was a tall gentleman standing about ten feet from her with his hands out in front of him, probably well aware that she was ready to swing her shovel.

“Didn’t mean to scare you, ma’am. I patrol this area around the school,” he said showing her the badge on his jacket. “Just wanted to know if I could shovel the snow for you.”

“I’m good,” she said, attempting to deepen her voice. She had lived on her own for about a year now. There were a few tactics she used to cover up her femininity. Wearing baggy clothes was one of them and trying to deepen her voice were just a few. But this time, her furry grey and pink boots must have been the give away.

“Are you sure?” he asked, pulling his scarf down to show his face. He flashed a smile. It seemed genuine…and it was kind of nice, with the help of the street lights.

“No, I’m up now and dressed for this mess. But I appreciate you asking. Maybe next time.”

“Will do,” he nodded and went back to his truck.

Michelle watched him drive off to make sure he was out of sight before continuing her struggle with the snow.

Just another day in Michigan.

Shower Thoughts, Episode 1

Shower

On this episode of Shower Thoughts, our main character comes into the house after hours of standing outside, waiting in long lines to enter grocery stores.  This global pandemic has really changed the way shopping happens!

 

Anyway…

After stripping her clothes at the door, running up the stairs, and turning on the shower she hops in.

The shower was steamy, just like she often enjoyed. As the soap washed away from her face, a thought came to mind…

It’s hard for anyone to move forward when they are still ‘bleeding’

As she pondered that statement longer, she realized that many people are walking around wounded from their past.  Unresolved emotions often leave a trail that can easily be traced from one relational encounter to another.

“This is just the way I am” is no longer a line that can be used to lull unsuspecting victims into the trap of excusing certain behaviors by not acknowledging them.  It’s a complete turn off.

The only blood we are to be covered with is that of Jesus Christ, which was shed on the cross for our sins and salvation.

Trying to put on a brave face or ignore feelings to function is NOT sacrifice; it’s suicide.

Unforgiveness, unaddressed traumas, pride, anger, jealousy, fear, and the like are all things that can literally, and spiritually, kill.

Don’t let your heart be hardened.  Don’t write off ALL people because of a few.  Don’t blame God for what people do.

He’s not people.  He’s God and He loves you…still.

Choose to be better, today.  If you’ve already made that choice, welcome to the other side of the storm.

It gets better.  I promise.

Tune in next time for the next episode of Shower Thoughts as our main character tries to navigate the work-life balance in the midst of a newly established virtual classroom for an eight year old…

I Want To Inspire (June 2014)

I am sharing this post that I wrote in 2014 to serve as a time stamp.  Things are about to happen quickly…

 

I wish I could inspire
…and I desire to uplift
But this rift grows wider between God and I
He is revealing new things
But the day brings brutal winds
I bend, instead of standing firm in its midst
The word of God is my food
However, there are times when I choose not to eat
My feet chase after my mind
Which is running frantically in circles
My rest is fleeting
Anxiety reaching its highest pace
I search for comfort
I look for truth
But I cannot find it trying to please whomever
My son is healthy
He eats and sleeps well
He wants for nothing while I traverse this hell
I want to tell them it’s all working
Tell them to be strong
Tell them to keep pressing
Despite everything that seems to have gone wrong
No, I am not rich but I give what I have to all
I know what I want to do, but I must do what is called
I am not where I desire to be
But my best is still traveling through heavy traffic
I want to inspire others
But my wayward thinking
Prevents me from seeing
That…I already have

Think Different, See Different

Hey Beautiful people!!!

It’s been a good little while since I made a post, but I am fixing that problem RIGHT NOW…by making a new one 🙂

Quick Background…

So I’m used to being in the background and in my own thoughts.  I’m great with writing, and speaking, but I prefer the former and not the latter. It’s been that way most of my life. 🤷🏾‍♀️

Like I’m really ok with helping others with their success and watching them bask in the fruits of their labors

But God saw differently

Over the last year or so, I have been doing outreach at my church. (Totally God’s idea, not my own)

So now, not only do I do outreach (Again, not my idea‼) I am one of the LEADERS of Outreach.🤦🏾‍♀️  So I have to teach others.🤦🏾‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️

So now that you’re all caught up, I give you the reason for this little nugget that came to mind below:

20200104_195020

Yesterday, Jan 4th, was our very first outreach event of the year and it went great!!

17 people received prayer and 1 dedicated their life to God at a homeless shelter (Never thought I’d genuinely be excited about that! That’s for another post #YayJesus)

But I came across this one man who was ‘content’ with his homelessness. Somethings I just brush off, but this made me want to ask him questions.

Really and truly, he couldn’t give me a straight answer. He talked about Donald Trump, his education (HS and Community College graduate), he even boasted on the fact that the most money he’s ever had at one time was $2,000.

No 😐 he was legit happy about that.

But because of what I know about God, this was unsettling.  Of course I had a rebuttal.

“That’s not what God said He wanted for you, though. You were meant for more”

Boom.

I felt good about myself for a hot second- I thought it was mic drop worthy…ish, until he came back with his own…

“If I don’t think that applies to me, you can’t make me think otherwise.”

Although I was ready to jump in with scripture, God spoke to me and said, “Now you see what I see.” I couldn’t even say anything any more.

This was the whole reason why I do outreach!!

How many times have you seen others happy (blessed, prospering, free, etc.) and even thought for a moment, ‘That can’t happen for me’?

I’ll never do…
I can’t do…
I don’t see [blank] happening for me
[Blank] is not possible
I made too many mistakes to experience…

I’d be remiss if I didn’t offer scripture, so Proverbs 23:7 says “for as he thinks in his heart, so is he”

James 3 talks about how what we say can set the course of our lives, but it starts with what we think about ourselves.

In the age of information I find that the most bothersome thing is that people genuinely don’t know how much God loves them.

To the person on the other side of this screen, God loves you soooooo very much!! Think of the greatest love you’ve ever felt,then take away the conditions, time restrictions, and other things you know can contaminate love, then TADAA!!!

God’s love.

Forever. Unconditional. Unmatched

When you know that God loves you…no, when you even THINK that God loves you, despite all you’ve done or may do, you begin to SEE yourself and things differently. When you see differently, you MOVE different.

I just pray that you begin to think of yourself in greater ways.  You deserve it.

I love you, and I mean it

-Crys

(P.S. More to come…for real this time😊)

Back at it

I stopped too long

Admiring the accomplishments of others

Soon turned to watching with envy

I felt like prey

A boa had wrapped around me

Nothing but pressure

To perform

It was slow getting moving again

But each step encouraged the other

Momentum fueled by purpose

Im just getting started.

 

Escape

I screamed.

Yet no one heard through the motions of their own day

 I cried out for freedom

But was stifled by the pressure of four walls closing in on my creativity

Expression relieves the build up of every day life

To silence that?

Well, that would mean drowning in the sea of thoughts

It could mean being anchored to the mundane when I was made to soar

It would mean…

Isolation

The created completely closed off to the Creator

I need freedom.

Most of all, I need Him

I must escape

Childlike Affection

Tonight I baby sat my friend’s son.

My own son was very helpful the entire time until he heard me speaking the Word of God over this cute toddler.  I admit, I felt the shift in the atmosphere but I couldn’t address it at the moment.

As the time neared for both children to go to sleep, I asked my son to get ready for bed.  That’s nothing out of the ordinary.  I went up a few moments later to find him ready for bed, having done all he knows he needs to do, but he was fighting back tears.

I asked him if he wanted to talk and he told me ‘no’.  After a barrage a questions, he basically told me that no hug, no kiss, and no talking would make him feel better.  I was saddened by the fact that I knew something was bothering him, but he chose to hold it in.

I embraced him, firmly, and it was enough to push out those waiting streams from his eyes.  He finally expressed that he felt that I liked the toddler more than him because I spoke nice words.  I speak those words to my son as well.

Of course I felt objection rising to my lips but I let my little guy express all his feelings.  I asked for forgiveness, we reconciled, the atmosphere was more positive, and I left him to his dreams.

It got me to thinking about how many people, especially men (in my experience) receive time, kind words, and attention consistently.  The moment it’s shared with another, problems can occur.

I don’t fault my son at all.  Even though he is not an only child, he is MY only child.  Of course he receives all of my attention and more so I am not surprised by how he reacted.

It showed me, though, how much I need to (1) express those kind words to him more and (2) continue to lead him into the arms of Christ.

I’m a single mom.  I can’t be all that he needs (as much as I used to try).  It was hard enough for me to let go and trust God at His word when He told me he would keep my son.

But this showed me how emotionally fragile many people are when hurt is experienced or they are searching for acceptance and fullness.  I was there before.  I searched in many different places, things, and people to fill a void that only God could take care of.

I say all this to say that we all, every one of us, are childlike in seeking affection and approval in one way or another.  But God has set His affection on us (Deuteronomy 10:15, NIV) and He has approved us (Romans 14:18, KJV) as we are in Christ Jesus.

God has so many wonderful things to say about you right now.

Are you willing to listen?

Stillness

Life is the circus

It is joyful but it stinks at times

The busyness to impress the next is daunting

It takes its toll mentally

Placed on a pedestal for scrutiny

But when the crowd is gone

Satisfied by the show

The stillness is what I long for

The quiet,

Full of peace

With the tempo of a beating heart

Steady timing each breath

I am more than alive

I am truly living.

In the stillness I find Him smiling on me

His embrace warm and familiar

Worry lets itself out the door

As His train fills the room

In my stillness there is no hoping

Just a knowing

That He Is